Such a Jerk... But So Hot!
Have you ever encountered someone who is a bit of an ass, but you annoyingly find yourself attracted to them?
This has been an endlessly problematic truth of mine, even when I’m watching a show and I notice myself drawn to ‘slight assholes’ characters.
So I did what any alchemist would do… accept the weird feelings, and dive in!
This is what I discovered.
What we commonly perceive as ‘slight jerk or ass’ is often a confident person, someone who owns their thoughts and choices. Sure, they can be rigid or righteous, but I focused more on the confidence piece.
Being ‘nice’ to me has some tentacles into whatever matrix society has deemed proper. For some of us who always seek freedom in big and small, conscious and unconscious ways from dictates of society, there’s something sort-of wild and free when person shows up and conducts themselves in opposition of said dictates. It’s like they have permission to be some way, and we don’t have it for ourselves or don’t allow it, or judge it.
Maybe that’s what we are at first attracted to.
Then perhaps, we follow our attraction and find there is more to the person and that’s just delightful. Or, we find that this is actually who they are and they come from a place of hurts and walls, and we decide to walk on.
Either way, for me personally, the inner journey is a juicy one. Because it allows me to ask myself and evaluate where I could use a little freedom and unplugging from societal matrix. Or, maybe it shows me where I could be a little nicer to myself or towards a person or situation. It’s really a fascinating line of questioning.
I’ve come to appreciate people who shake up the notions of my universe by being exactly who they are in the moment - the brash and annoyingly attractive jerks - who express themselves in a way very opposite to my own.
It’s like you take what you need from the experience, and integrate it within, so that a little part of you is more expanded than it was before.
Maybe the attraction stays, and maybe it dissipates.
Maybe you understand yourself a bit more, and can extend that to another.
Maybe you realize something about your attraction or relationship patterns from the past, and maybe the next person you meet is very different than the ones before.
This is the brilliant thing about life-alchemy… it turns the annoying and frustrating into drops of nectar within.
And the ‘slight jerks’?
Well, I thank them, for without them, what would I have to transform?