Who Am I When I Am Whole?
On the Aries Solar Eclipse of April 2023
This writing piece came through today as I sat with the energies of the upcoming Solar Eclipse, which falls around April 20th, 2023.
Astrology themes are included after the piece.
'“Who Am I?”
The favourite existential question we all come back to and stumble upon, on the spiral path of Life.
We heard someone else’s answer, and it resonated.
Maybe we courageously peered within and held through all our fear, doubt, laziness and shame and came upon our own answer.
And it felt good. Almost like relief, as we came to know something that we had been seeking for longer than we can remember.
We know who we are.
We feel we have our identity and even a purpose to guide us on our way.
Now, we’re all set!
Or are we?
The thing with identities and knowing who we are, is that it isn’t static.
It shifts and invites us deeper into its multitude of layers.
The answer to the question - Who am I? - is an adventure.
Sometimes, we can say things - both to ourself and to others- that sound good and whole. We can say them with conviction and the power of our belief.
We can say that we are Souls, having an experience in this material realm.
We can say that we are star-dust and magic mixed into physical bodies.
We can say that we are Infinite Divinity incarnate on this planet.
These and more, can all be true.
But they aren’t answers, in their entirety.
For if you have touched your Divine-Self within when you pondered this existential question, you touched Infinity.
Infinity is incomprehensible, by nature, to the parts of us that ask such questions.
It’s ineffability is sublime and graceful.
And so there is an unknowability, a mystery, maybe an adventure we need to make peace with when we dive into our inner-existence; when we are ourselves at a given moment: ‘Who am I?’
And so, perhaps we stop seeking, and we embrace the know and unknown of it.
I don’t think this embracing the unknown comes through prayer or meditation.
I believe it occurs in living our life experience with a courageous sense of adventure.
By actually experiencing and meeting who we are…
In the dark and in light.
In clarity and in confusion.
In success and in difficult learning.
When we are in our pack and when we are alone.
When we are exhausted, resting and energized.
When we are leading solo, supporting someone and when we are a part of a team.
And especially, when we are trying something new, something beyond the edge of our comfort, something that we are terrified of.
Who we are in our familiar comforts is one version of us. This version has a narrative that comes from past stories and all the emotional baggage that resides there.
We can feel happy here. It can feel safe, often because life hasn’t felt safe before.
This version of ourself however is our imprisoned self - repeatedly making decisions today, from our past pains. We are barricaded in the illusion of emotional and mental safety, away from the Present Moment where our Infinite Self awaits us, patiently.
Some of us only know this version of ourselves. And we believe that this is it. This is the entirety of our being and of our lives. No further purpose or possibility exists.
When we make choices from this version of ourself, we recreate our inner limitations in the outer world. We experience these limits and in turn, believe that we are limited.
We can live in this circular prison for decades, mistaking our running in circles for freedom.
What is far more interesting, is who we are when we realize our self-imprisonment. This version, through the power of conscious realization, has broken away from the circular prison and the stories that kept the hamster-wheel going. Here we often experience great confusion alongside great clarity, as we are learning to work our navigational compass in the present moment, through the seas of Infinity to find our way.
What we feel here is ecstasy. We can also feel pain and hurt more intensely. We learn to endure it, because we can see and feel beyond. We realize that though unpleasant, they are a temporary part of the inner compass.
The only time we can live here is in the Present moment, wobbling our way through as new feelings and sensations to old things come up. This gives us a whole new spectrum of experience, and courage to meet it all.
The energies that can evolve our sense and understanding of Who We Are are now available to us.
If we have only known ourselves from brokenness, from limits, from living the story written by others, now is the time to choose different. This means choosing to look inward first, instead of outward, so that we can meet who we Truly are - Whole, Healed, Masters of our actions, breaths, responses and realities.
If you do choose it, take a moment in your day. Your moment. The only moment you have to touch in to whatever part of yourself you believe to be you.
Meet yourself warmly.
Smile, at all that you are, all that hold dear, what you desire and what you do not like, and then move in further.
For you are meeting Infinity-within.
And no thing is in your way.
Themes of the April 20th Solar Eclipse
Even when we cannot see an eclipse from our part of the world, we all feel it - in our dreams, in our subtle bodies, in changes in mood or energy levels. Many of us feel it in clear and obvious ways.
Eclipses usually occur in pairs, and so in a couple of weeks the Lunar Eclipse will occur around May 5th, in the sign of Scorpio.
The movement of the planetary bodies is a dance of relationship. Like with eclipses, which occur in pairs and the energies build upon each other in a crescendo. Two after our now Solar Eclipse, we will have a Lunar Eclipse.
A Solar Eclipse occurs when the Moon moves in front of the Sun (partially or fully), blocking a portion of its light during the day time.
During this Eclipse, the Moon and the Sun are both in sign of Aries.
Aries is a fire sign, and the first sign in the wheel of the Zodiac - the bringer of Spring time and a fresh cycle of the Zodiac year.
In this moment, Aries for me is about identity, who I think I am and how it limits or expands my experience, which is the essence of the piece above.
Aries is an energy that is concerned with the - I AM consciousness.
Other Aries themes include, but are not limited to:
New beginnings and initiations,
Our physical bodies and energy levels,
Personal boundaries and how we hold our space,
The warrior or protector archetype,
Emergence and breakthroughs,
Renewed focus and inspired action.
In its lower expression, Aries energy is known for stubbornness, selfishness and outbursts of anger, frustration and self-pity. This can come up for us, or in people around us in bizarre and unexpected ways.
When it arises, the work of the season is to practice urgent patience, as well to find and meet your True Self - the one that has broken out of the stories, habits and emotional patterns. It is here that healing and transformation occur.
It is common to feel like we need to re-evaluate some aspect of how we are showing up in our life, and especially our boundaries.
If you choose to take some time in honest and raw intimacy with your Self over the next few days, know that you are supported in this beyond anything you can fathom. All you have to do is dare, ask, reach your hand out and receive.
It may not feel that way to you right now, but it is so - with the surety of the ground you walk upon, and the breath you exchange with the rest of us, it is so.
Whatever rises for you this day or this week, may you be awestruck as you meet you renewed and Infinite Self.
Loved the “ Who Am I” article Aarti. When young, I remember picking up books with a similar title. It’s a persistent question. And there’s really no definitive answer and like u said, it keeps changing in d various phases of life. For me, when I’m in my own familiar world then there’s a feeling of importance… why aren’t things happening the way I want…why can’t I do this or that… after all I’m so-and-so…etc….but this same me experiences a huge shift when standing under a sky…. Or watching a planetary film or a show in a planetarium, “Who Am I?” and instantly I get d response “you are but just a speck in d larger scheme of whatever d Superpower is playing up there! All d grandmasters of nature will still be there doing what they do -rising, setting, shining…the sun moon n stars-whether we are there or not. Our presence or absence makes no difference whatsoever. They hve been there eons before us n are there for eternity BUT we are born, we are placed on this earth, there must be a reason n purpose for it. Sometimes it may take a lifetime to realise one’s purpose, sometimes the realisation comes towards d end of life, that one deed, the karma-fulfilling moment! Looking inwards n knowing oneself is the only way to find your answer.
Very thought provoking indeed😇
During Student life followed by 47 years of work life, I was totally immersed in studies/work - totally committed and never had (or found) time to ask this very pertinent question, despite taking time off on introspection.
However, during 6 years of my retired life, I have had this question crop up, off & on.
After being in the limelight for decades, retirement brought about an emptiness, which then led me to this question.
Well realized, that I am hardly a spec of dust( of the size of an electron or smaller -since I am/was an Electrical Engineer) in the scheme of things around me - our Galaxy & maybe unknown millions of more galaxies, I am still ‘work in progress’ on this question😇😅
More if I get to an answer during my lifetime 🤗